FEAR - IS FEAR RULING YOUR LIFE?
ONLY WAY TO LIBERATION IS TO BE YOURSELF.
AUTHETICITY HOLDS THE SECRET TO HAPINESS AND SUCCESS.
FINDING THE COURAGE TO BECOME WHO YOU TRULY ARE.
FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY.
EVERYTHING IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF YOUR FEAR.
HOW DOES ONE LIVE WITH THE FEAR? WHAT DOES ONE DO WITH HIS HER OWN FEAR? DOES ONE NEED TO CONQUER HIS HER OWN FEAR IN ORDER TO LIVE FULLY AND AUTHENTICALLY? WHAT IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF YOUR FEAR?
OBJECT RELATIONS THEORY
MELANIE KLEIN
The central assumptions underpinning Klein’s work include internal object relations, unconscious phantasies, and life and death instincts (Gyler, 2005).
The formative primary psychological experiences in which human subjectivity is developed are founded by the relationship to the mother (Gyler, 2005).
According to Klein, there is in the unconscious a fear of annihilation of life. The existence of the death instinct would propose that there is a response to this instinct (in the deep layers of one’s mind), in the form of fear of annihilation of life (Klein, 1988).
According to Klein, the analysis of the anxieties arising in the young children shows a good deal about the forms in which the fear of death exists in the unconscious. This is to say about the part the fear plays in various anxiety situations. The fear of being annihilated includes the anxiety about the internal good breast being destroyed, and that is indispensable for the preservation of life (Klein, 1988).
“The threat to the self from the death instinct working within is bound up with the dangers apprehended from the internalized devouring mother and father and amounts to fear of death.” (Klein, 1988).
One may dispute that all fears one has, stem from or go back to one’s unconscious fear of being destroyed and or annihilated. What was I so scared of in the past, not speaking up my truth?
EXISTENTIAL THEORY
Yalom’s existential position highlights a conflict that flows from the individual’s confrontation with the four givens of existence. These are death, freedom, existential isolation and meaninglessness. The existential dynamic conflict arises as one is confronted with some or all of these givens (Yalom, 1980).
Death is the most prominent one of all four. Death will come to us and there is no escape from it. Yalom emphasizes the conflict that arises from the tension between the awareness of the inevitability of death and the wish to continue to be (Yalom, 1980). He also claims
that life and death are interdependent that they exist simultaneously and not consecutively. He then further postulates that death is a primordial source of anxiety, and therefore is the primary source of psychopathology (Yalom, 1980). He also states that “death anxiety is an influential determinant of human experience and behaviour” (Yalom, 1980).
Yalom outlines two major defences against death – one is a belief in one’s own specialness and personal inviolability and the other is a belief in the existence of an ultimate rescuer (Yalom, 1980). He then styles some psychopathological tendencies people might employ to avoid death anxiety – compulsive heroism, work holism, narcissism, aggression, control and the use of sex (Yalom, 1980).
I personally resonate with Heidegger’s concept that there are two ways of existing in the world - a state of forgetfulness of being, when one wonders about the way things are. And a state of mindfulness of being, when one marvels not about the “way” things are but “that”
they are (Heidegger cited in Yalom, 1980). Heidegger also emphasizes that only when machinery suddenly breaks down do we become aware of its functioning. Only when defences against death anxiety are removed do we become fully aware of what they shielded us from (Heidegger in Yalom, 1980).
The next poem in my opinion encompasses the fear and emptiness one holds throughout one’s life.
“They cannot scare me with their empty spaces, between stars – on stars where no human race is. I have it in me so much nearer home. To scare myself with my own desert places” (Frost cited in Yalom, 1980).
TRANSPERSONAL THEORY
ALCHEMICAL MODEL
The inner alchemy provides a vivid metaphor for an inner process. The alchemical model comprises of four stages of transformation. These are Nigredo, Albedo, Rubedo, and Citrinas (Hamilton, 2014).
The fearful state one may experience is a powerful and all enclosing reality. During this time one may undergo the dark black stage of Nigredo. Nigredo manifest as the immediate crisis when one is faced with turmoil (palpable fear), overwhelming feelings, and confusion. The alchemical operations during this phase are Solutio – purification by water, dissolving state, grieving and feeling of sadness are very typical during this time.
The other operation at this stage is Calcinatio – purification by fire, feelings of anger and frustration are present, painful processes, and burning state (CCPE, 2013).
Solutio is linked and can become Mortificatio – that which is being dissolved will experience the Solutio as an annihilation itself (Edinger, 1994). Distracting behaviours (suicidal ideation and suicide), and co-dependent relationships are very representative of this phase.
According to Jung the alchemical opus has three stages the Nigredo - the blackening, Albedo – the whitening and Rubedo – the reddening (Jung in Edinger, 1994). The Mortificatio overlaps with Putrefactio, they both are different aspects of the same operation. The Mortificatio has no chemical reference and it means “killing”. The Putrefactio is “rotting” the decomposition which breaks down bodies (Edinger, 1994).
The deepest spiritual fear is losing one’s identity and having no real sense of being somebody, and this is what takes place in the void. “If I let go of …, I will not be anybody”. In the scared ego the letting go equals with annihilation (Riccho, 1997).
The void is also the place for growth, transformation and spiritual rebirth. The void shows one the fragility, the inadequacy and the bankruptcy of one’s personality (Riccho, 1997).
According to Buddhism, one’s dissatisfaction with life originates from a repression even more immediate than death terror, it is the suspicion that one is not real (Riccho, 1997).
“So one’s most problematic dualism is not life fearing death, but a fragile sense of self dreading its own groundlessness” (Riccho, 1997).
Only when I have had the felt embodied experience of my fear, have I discovered that “staying in the present moment” is fundamental to live my life fully and welcome my fear with love, compassion, acceptance and trust. My fear then, was not in the forefront of my experience but my compassion and acceptance was. I was able to let go of some of my fears and some are still with me and it is ok.
So what is on the other side of one’s fear? Everything one desires, fears and aspires is met with one’s unconditional love and acceptance of oneself, together with courage and trust.
How does one come to this place? When is one ready to meet one’s own tricksters and demons. This ensues as one is open and is willing to take the bold brave steps towards oneself.
